So, you've somehow arrived here at dogwelder.com, and now you find yourself thinking "Hey, is this Dogwelder the right Dogwelder? There are many of them and I sometimes mix them up."

So, as a service to the internet community I offer the following illustrated index of major dogwelders.

Original Dogwelder

The original Dogwelder was created by Garth Ennis and John McCrea. They were trying to come up with the worst possible superhero. Dogwelder was the result. He fights crime by welding puppies to criminals faces.

He is shown here with other heroes from the group Section 8: Sixpack, Jean De Baton, Flegmgem, Bueno Excellente, Shakes, and The Defenestrator.

The Original Dogwelder appeared in the DC comic book Hitman. More information on Dogwelder, Hitman, and Section 8, as well as popup ads and annoying MIDI music, can be found at http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Zone/3918/cast.htm. Here's Dogwelder's introduction.

If you are looking for a fictional Dogwelder, this is the one you want.

Fark/Flickr/b3ta/Metafilter/Linkfilter/Orkut dogwelder

This is me. I never really meant to be known as dogwelder (one word, lowercase d). I first used the name as my junk mail catcher name for my hotmail account. Then I used it when I registered at websites so I wouldn't have to remember a bunch of different names. Now there are people who only know me as dogwelder.

This is not my "real" page, by the way. My main site (which has a ton of unrelated and occasionally mildy amusing junk) is ga2so.com.

If you are looking for the dogwelder who made the Christopher Walken Egg Nog ad, I am the one you want.

Something Awful DogWelder

DogWelder (one word capital D, capital W) is a longtime member of Something Awful. That picture of Hellboy is his current avatar on the message boards. You can find out more about him here if you are registered with Something Awful.

If you are looking for the DogWelder that forced me to take the SA username bobeubanks Clarv Prichton, this is the one you want.

Psyche-Ward dogwelder

I found this dogwelder (one word, lowercase d) in my site's referrer logs. He came from a site called The Psyche Ward. Apparently, he has the same birthday as me. He seemed surprised I, a guy who uses the name dogwelder, would have comic book stuff on my page. Also, his posts seem to indicate that his caps lock key is broken. Too bad he doesn't use an all caps DOGWELDER as his name- then we'd all have similar but different names, like beautiful snowflakes. That picture is from his stats page. He's gonna wreck those comics if he keeps leaning on them.

If you are looking for the dogwelder WHO WRITES ALL HIS MESSAGES LIKE THIS, this is the one you want.

UPDATE 09/20/2003: The Psyche Ward seems to have disappeared.

RideMonkey Dog Welder

This Dog Welder (two words, capital D, capital W) was also in my referrer logs. I'm pretty sure that's not an actual picture of him, although it is so small it's hard to be sure. This is from his ridemonkey bio page. He's a mountain bike enthusiast, apparently.

I have a bike- It's a ten year old Trek 800 with two flat tires.

If you are looking for the Dog Welder that would laugh at the idea of taking my Trek 800 out on any kind of real ride, this is the one you want.

DOGWELDER DESIGNS

When I realized how cheap it is to register domain names, I started registering antything I could think of that I might use. dogwelder.com seemed pretty obvious, so I ran the whois and found it was available. However, dogwelder.net was already registered by something called DOGWELDER DESIGNS (all caps in the logo- my be completely different in normal use). I have no idea why they would pick .net instead of .com, but it means that this dopey page of nothing comes first in a google search for dogwelder and their site comes in third after my metafilter bio page.

If you are looking for the DOGWELDER that does design work, this is the one you want.

UPDATE 02/02/2003: He changed his page and it now comes out first on google, even though all of his links are broken. That doesn't seem fair.

UPDATE 09/20/2003: The site is gone. I'll miss you, Dogwelder Designs!

UPDATE 10/25/2003: The site is back, with a new logo. Welcome back, Dogwelder Designs!

UPDATE 03/29/2004: Now Google has bumped his page to the top of the list, even though it has nothing on it but a picture, and no one else links to it. Unfair.

UPDATE 04/15/2004: I'm back on top! Oh, such an epic struggle! I can't wait for the movie.

UPDATE 05/07/2004: Now my site is THIRD, with (the once-again missing) Dogwelder Designs first and my other, less updated, less linked-to, not referring to me as dogwelder at all site second. I'm going to change how I link to his page- instead of a direct link, I'm using a javascript function I call "dogwelder". I'm hoping that it will stop Google from counting me against me.

You know, it wouldn't bug me so much if the guy actually had some content there. If the Something Awful DogWelder was on top, I would understand- his site exists and changes .

UPDATE 05/20/2004: Now my not-dogwelder site is first, Dogwelder Designs is second, and this page is third. Also, SA DogWelder's site has disappeared. Apparently, the Dogwelder name is a diffcult one to maintain.

UPDATE 08/12/2004: I'm second again, and Google's image search no longer finds pictures from my site, but it has images from the non-existent secondaryfusion site. Search engines are funny.

UPDATE 12/16/2006: After a few brief reappearances, the main content of the site has become a very large swear word. Quality.

There you have it- the top six dogwelders on the net. Other dogwelders may be added as required.