My Imagined Conversation Between Suzanne Somers and Her Photographer
THE SCENE: A modeling studio in Hollywood, California in the 70's. Young Suzanne is taking part in her first photo shoot.
PHOTOGRAPHER: We'd like to take some, uh...candid photos of you, Suzanne.
SUZANNE: What do you mean?
P: We'd like you to be naked.
S: (nervously)Totally naked?
P: Well, topless...
S: I can't do that! I need something to cover my chest.
P: Well, we'll think of something...
S: (relieved) Right on!
P: ...right on? Right ON! THAT'S IT! Suzanne, you're brilliant!
Thus, history is made.
Oh, you may be asking yourself "Why did he censor the picture?" Well, I didn't. Suzanne actually suffers from a horrible chest-disfiguring ailment known as "Weird Fuzzy Lines Where Her Naughty Bits Should Be," and this picture was taken to show her brave battle against the "Hollywood Manufactured Bimbo as Perfection" myth that haunts society today. I applaud her actions, and you should too, by golly! *
...or it could be that I work at an elementary school, and the last thing I need is some third grader coming in to class and saying "Mr. G, I saw that naked lady on your web page!"
By the way, don't bother writing me to ask for the original version of this picture- I have only this version. And please don't send me an "uncut" version- I don't need or want one.