If you ever wanted to see Top Gun: Maverick but 20 minutes longer and with race cars, then I’ve got the movie for you!
Today’s fake poster is based on an equally serious film.
Category: Movie Pass Adventures
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Movie Pass Adventures: Ponyboi
There’s a lot of good stuff in this, but it gives Ponyboi too many problems to deal with. I’m sure the effect is supposed to be a constant heightening of tension, but it felt more like trying to cram every possible neo-noir cliché into a single story.
Bonus: Ponyboi (2019)
I didn’t realize until I got home that the movie is adapted from a short film River Gallo made in 2019. It’s on Vimeo. The short is less polished than the movie, but the story is more focused. Almost every line from the short is in the movie, but some are shuffled to new characters. The last scene is similar to the last one in the movie, but it’s much more connected to the rest of the story.
Obvious choice for today’s fake poster:
Fediverse reactions
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Movie Pass Adventures: Sorry, Baby
A movie about recovering from sexual assault that somehow manages to acknowledge the seriousness of the crime even while it inserts comedy. I liked it muchly.
Today’s fake poster is based on a very different baby movie.
But the question is: did I fix how the blog posts to the Fediverse? We’re about to find out!
Fediverse reactions
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Retro Movie (no pass) Adventures: Blade Runner (1982)
Man, this movie is good. I saw a 4K remaster at The Egyptian, and it was frickin’ beautiful.
A few days ago I watched Tony Scott’s The Hunger. Yesterday I watched Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner. I guess I should complete the director trilogy by watching Michael Scott’s Threat Level: Midnight.
A few months ago I used Blade Runner’s poster as the model for the fake poster for A New Leaf, so it only seems fair to do the reverse for this movie.
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Movie Pass Adventures: Bring Her Back
Well, that movie wasn’t for me. It does exactly what it looks like it will do; if that’s your thing, you’ll probably enjoy it. I was mostly bored and occasionally uncomfortable.
Today’s fake poster kinda-sorta looks like the original. The reason it works at all is the movie logo.
Fediverse reactions
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Triple Feature Lady Vampire Movie Adventures: Dracula’s Daughter (1936), A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014), The Hunger (1983)
Dracula’s Daughter
The most unbelievable part of this movie: That Countess Zaleska (that’s Dracula’s daughter to you) would have any interest in the drip doctor. She had way more chemistry with the random woman her manservant picked out for her to drain. I guess that’s why a ton of sites reference this as “the lesbian vampire movie.”
Oh, how this fake poster made the middle school teacher that I am giggle!
If she’s a vampire, wouldn’t holding the cross burn? A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night
Easily the best vampire western set in modern day Iran but filmed near Bakersfield I have seen this year. And who could not love a vampire on a skateboard?
I was annoyed that I’d already done a Home Alone parody – it’s right there in the title! Instead, I went with another “walk” movie. This is less of a copy and more like a strongly influenced design. It also looks like it could have been a real poster for the movie, which is sort of against the idea of these fake posters. I do like it, though.
The Hunger
Look, I know she’s been entranced, but the whole seduction scene in this is hilarious. “Oh no- I have spilled my sherry on my thin white shirt that I am wearing without a bra. I’m trying to clean it by slowing rubbing a wet cloth on my breast, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Would you help me remove it, mysterious woman?”
…and now I present: THE WORST FAKE POSTER OF THE SET. It’s not a bad idea, but I should have looked for a better source image. However, I already made two other posters and I am done with Photoshop for the day.
Also: I realized that I’ve seen five “Lady Vampire” movies in the last ten months. I guess I should expect another one by August.
Fediverse reactions
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Retro Double Feature Movie Adventures: The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek (1944) and Christmas in July
The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek
This is one of Elliott Kalan of The Flop House‘s favorite movies, so when the New Beverly had it as part of a Preston Sturges double feature I knew I had to go. And sure enough, it’s mighty funny. I want to spoil every joke. I will spoil none.
This fake poster is based on a different “miracle” movie:
If you think this poster looks pretty low effort, you should compare it to the original. Christmas in July
This isn’t as strong as The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek, but it’s still funny. It’s fun to see Sturges using a lot of the same actors in different roles.
A very weak title link between this movie and the poster source:
BONUS BLOG MILESTONE!
Christmas in July was my 100th Fake movie poster! How many hours have I spent making these things mostly for myself? UNKNOWN!
Fediverse reactions
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Movie Pass Adventures: 28 Years Later
My least favorite part of the movie: the zombie fights. I don’t really care for the high contrast low shutter speed choppiness of those scenes. And I always know a movie hasn’t quite got me when I’m mentally poking at plot holes while I’m watching.
But I did enjoy the movie more as it went along, and the pace and story shifted from “uh-oh – another zombie horde” to A discussion of the meaning of death and life.
Alfie Williams plays Spike.. Because he’s in a movie with a bunch of popular actors, he gets pretty low billing even though he’s the primary focus of the film. For today’s parody poster I decided to fix his billing.
Fediverse reactions
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Retro Movie Pass Adventures: UHF (1989)
Movies out in the summer of1989: Batman, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Back to the Future Part II, Look Who’s Talking, Dead Poets Society, Leathal Weapon 2, Ghostbusters II, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, The Little Mermaid, Born on the Fourth of July… and this goofy little movie. It never had a chance.
I had to adjust my usual Alamo Drafthouse viewing experience expectations for this. For one thing, anyone going to see UHF in a theater in 2025- and this includes me- is likely to be a weirdo who laughs loud and hard at corny jokes they already know. For another, I somehow decided I’d be okay sitting front row center, so the whole movie looked like this:
Actual shot from my seat. UHF is about competing TV networks, so the source poster was a no-brainer. I could have left in all the original taglines. Unfortunately, the poster is not very well-known, but trust me: this is really accurate.
Fediverse reactions
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Movie Pass Adventures: Materialists
Some random things:
- This is a treatise about the formulaic nature of relationships wearing a rom-com costume.
- Dakota Johnson’s character says she’s had a boob job. If shes has (and maybe she has), it the most restrained and subtle one I’ve ever seen. But I guess that’s the point?
- Another character has had his legs lengthened by six inches, but somehow their who body is proportional.
- At one point one of the characters is in a play. I noticed the poster said it was written by the director. I looked it up, and it’s an actual play she wrote. That’s a nice bit of bonus pay.
I thought about making the fake poster based on the one for How to Marry a Millionaire, but it has way too many elements to try and correlate things in this movie, so I went with something a little more obscure.
Fediverse reactions
