If you live in Los Angeles long enough, you'll eventually run into some celebrities. I've met a few, and I've noticed a common theme in most of these encounters- fear. Three of these meetings are similar enough that I can use the uncommon yet popular boilerplate/Mad Libs style of writing to tell about them.

Three Meetings... WITH FEAR!

I was [at Irvine Meadows Amphitheater/at Ralphs Market in North Hollywood/ walking past the Broadway Deli in Santa Monica] when I [saw Bjork at a booth near the stage/bumped into Christina Applegate in the parking lot/saw Eric Idle through the window]. Our eyes met, and [she/she/he] looked at me with a face full of pure terror. I probably scared [her/her/him] because [I had food poisoning, looked like hell, and tried to strike up a conversation by blurting out "Oh, hi!" like a huge, freaky drunk guy/I'm a foot taller than her and we ran into each other in a dark parking lot/I was a huge sweaty guy staring at him while he was trying to eat]. Not wanting to scare [a tiny Icelandic singer/a tiny actress/a funny English guy], I quickly left the area and went [to my car to my car to lie down/into the market/past the window].

One story is different. It happened before any of the incidents above.

Three Meetings WITH FEAR II-
The Eubanks Strikes Back

At the end of high school I was working for a market research company. The building also had an office that Bob Eubanks would visit. One day, he walked past some friends and me. After he went upstairs, I said (in a silly, overexcited voice): "IT'S BAAAHHHHB EUBANKS!" and we chuckled a bit- until Bob came marching back! He came right up to me and said in an angry voice "DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME????" I said no. He said "IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, YOU'D BETTER SAY IT TO MY FACE!" I said nothing, and he turned and stalked away.

Then we laughed at him some more.