junk drawer

newer junk

July 3

This page has a neat trick to stop most ads from appearing on web pages. One text file, no software. Brilliant.

June 23

Drug Dealer or Drunk?  

Old license:


This was my driver license photo for the past for years. About half of the people who saw it thought I looked like Jesus- the other half thought I looked like Charles Manson.


New license:

This is my new driver license photo. I look more than a little drunk.


June 10,2000

Estudios Universal
Tom is much taller in person.
From Universal Studios, right after "Magnum, P.I." was cancelled.

June 2, 2000

Johnny Handsome

It was picture day at work.

Dig the cool "holy glow" I added!

April 19, 2000

The Babelfish Butcher.

April 15, 2000
I Love Metababy

I don't know why Metababy is so fascinating- it's so mindlessly destructive and repetitive, yet strangely compelling. All I know is that without it, there would be no Eggboy. Go there. Make stuff, break stuff, change stuff. Be prepared to waste a lot of time doing very silly things to other people's "masterpieces".

April 13, 2000


So, I got this e-mail the other day with a name-changer thing from one of Dav Pilkey's "Captain Underpants" books. I based a dumb JavaScript app on it.

My new name is "Booger Lizardhiney," by the way...

Captain Underpants! Click for your new name!

January 25, 2000

Hot Stuff

Ladies, If you're looking to impress someone this Valentine's Day, look no further than today's flyer for Pic 'n' Save. Most folks have to go to one of those high-class stores like Frederick's of Hollywood for this level of sophistication and elegance, but not you! No one could resist a woman in this piece of finery- now at 40 percent off!

The Lovely camiset- 5.99! Compare at 9.99!

January 14, 2000

Work is Fun
I was framed! I swear!
Me at work. I'm the one with his hands behind his back who looks like he saying "No really, officer- this is some sort of mistake!" You know, there's nothing children enjoy more than watching someone get arrested.

December 7, 1999

Sony bootlegging bundle
From the Guitar Center Christmas flyer. "The Perfect Bootlegging Bundle!" The fine print also mentions the system is "perfect for taking to clubs or anywhere else where you want to be inconspicuous."

That's right, Guitar Center's ad is bragging that they have cheap equipment to help you steal music! Do you think this will catch on with other stores? I'd love to see "Home Depot has pliers that are perfect for cutting sensor tags off clothing!"


November 23, 1999


From the Jon's Market flyer in the mail today.

Beef with garnish
Why does this meat need a festive parsley decoration? Do the advertisers think we won't know you should eat it if it isn't shown pre-seasoned? Is it supposed to be used as a centerpiece at your next holiday shindig? Is someone sitting at home thinking "I need meat- but it must be festooned with garnishes!"?
(Actually, I just wanted to write "festooned.")

November 18, 1999

I like eggs

This farmer has an egg-vending machine.
The egg vending machine is in front of the ranch.
People come here to buy eggs.
The machine holds many cartons of eggs.
When money is put in the coin slot, 
one carton comes down on a shelf.
The buyer may choose medium, large, or extra-large eggs.

Egg vending machine... I like eggs!

July 1, 1999
More Rats, Star Wars

My pal Ty gave me the lowdown on "fancy rats"- they're just rats with colored markings. Apparently, "standard rats" are all gray or all brown, which I guess is the rat equivalent of walking around in your sweats all day.

I realized something last night: Qui Gon is a bad man, an idiot, or both. He doesn't heed the advice of his superiors, he steals blood, he lies about "his" ship and pod racer, he risks the life of a little boy to suit his needs, he brings the highly useless amphibian JarJar into the middle of a desert... and he's the master & Obi-Wan is the trainee? That's sort of like the manager at McDonald's starting that Emiril guy from Food TV out on the fry machine.


June 30, 1999
Fancy Rat

Are you a Fancy Lad?From the Petco flyer that came in the mail yesterday. What makes it a "fancy rat?" Does it dress up? Does it create intricate, delicate patterns with its droppings? And if it is so damn fancy, why does it only cost four bucks?