in their own words

The Daily News, the paper that likes to pretend it's as popular as the L.A. Times, has a feature in the Sunday funnies called "In Their Own Words." My brother and I use this feature to play a game called "Who the Hell is that?" Here's how it works: I show Andy the celebrity image in the section, and he tries to guess who it is. Some weeks it's pretty easy- others, it's impossible. I thought I'd start a gallery of some of these images so you can share the magic with us. If this is your first exposure to the magic of Vern, you might want to start here.

July 10, 2004

Ever since I stopped getting the Daily News, my chances to see Vernon's work have become few and far between. However, last week I did catch this classic:

Mystery Woman

Sandra Bullock?

Famke Janssen?

Oh, how wrong you are.

This could only be...

Naomi Judd!

Vernon Carne is like a magician of the funny pages.


August 22, 2003

Hey, look what I found: Vernon Carne's Gallery of Stars! It's like my page without the weak attempts at humor- and it features all-different Vernon Carne work!

October 20, 2002

So today Vern had this masterpiece displayed:

The copy next to the picture identifies this guy as Samuel "Sammy" Snead- which is very confusing, since most web sites identify him as Sam Snead. No Samuel, not Sammy- SAM. HE AM SAM. Here's what SAM Snead looks like:

I thought Vern's art looked more like a cross between Leslie Nielsen and James Cromwell. Then something amazing happened: I found bad caricatures others had done of Neilsen & Cromwell. Check out these beauties:

Puttyface Leslie

James looks like a nice guy.

Evil Killer Leslie

James looks like a creepy librarian.

Of course, there is a difference between these drawings and Vern's work-
these drawings look like they took time and effort to create.


July 14, 2002

After six and a half months of mostly tolrerable drawings, Vernon finally creates another anti-masterpiece. Maybe he had this one saved from before he took his art classes. Maybe he was trying to be "Vernone Carne Classic." Maybe he was just tired and let little Billy Carne create this week's magic. Whatever the reason, this week we were greeted with this:

My favorite feature of this portrait is the way her left cheekbone is several inches higher than her right one.

Who is it?

Raquel Welch?

Geena Davis?

Rita Hayworth?

Belinda Carlisle?






It is, of course:

Nicole Kidman!

The drawing has all of Nicole's features: red hair, eyes, a nose, and even a mouth! How could you not recognize her? You must be dumb or something.


December 30, 2001

Vernon has definitely been taking some life drawing classes at the Learning Tree or something- his drawings have been coming closer and closer to looking like the person they are supposed to represent. For example, this week we have Penelope Cruz:

The Pleasure of Sophia!
Sorry About that Nic Cage mandolin movie.

See what I mean- a vast improvement from where he started. Bravo, Mr. Carne! In a few years, you might be able to go pro!

While the improvement of Vern's drawing abilities is has earned him some well-deserved kudos, it does sort of mess up the premise for this page. Vern's art, while still not great, has improved to the point that it (usually) isn't a challenge to figure out who he's drawn, so there isn't much point in guessing. What to do?

Luckily, a new strip has stepped up to the bat to take up the bad portrait slack. Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a warm round of applause for... The Amazing Spider-Man!

The Amazing Spider-Man comic strip is truly a wonder. Written by Stan Lee, the father of modern comics, it has featured such gritty, realistic stories as Spider-Man decides to find a carjacker by renting a car and leaving the keys in the ignition.

In the current story, Spidey is looking for the Chameleon, a guy who can completely change his appearance. You would think a guy with a name like "Chameleon" would try to blend in to the crowd, but he tends to use his powers to make himself look like celebrities. Luckily for him, the way the artists draw the celebrities tends to make them unrecognizable.

Oh, sure, sometimes they do a decent job, like this Jay Leno:

Jay Leno IS Jack Benny IN 'Rochester!'

-but other times the celebrity is unrecognizable without reading his dialogue. For example, I'm pretty sure this whiny red haired glasses wearing therapist discussing guy is Woody Allen.

Most likely Woody Allen

But worst of all are the single frames without any text clues. For example, this guy:

Johnny Bigjaw sucks down another vodka gimlet.

Am I supposed to recognize this guy? Is he just a random guy at the party, or is he a famous person? He's featured pretty prominently on the page, but it's impossible to figure out who he is. Al Gore, maybe? Would Al Gore be sipping martinis at a formal Manhattan party with Jay Leno and Woody Allen?

older "art"